


jookyun- YOU WERE GOOD TO ME

by lovleyoung



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Break Up, Changkyun is Sad, Character Death, Death, Depression, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Grieving, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mentioned Yoo Kihyun, Short, Suicide, Swearing, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Triggers, Underground Rapper Im Changkyun | I.M, always look at the signs, changkyun and kihyun are brothers, changkyun blames himself, is it really tho?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:40:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25008592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovleyoung/pseuds/lovleyoung
Summary: "And I'm so used to letting go, but I don't want to be alone. You were good to me, You were good to me, yeah, oh."Changkyun can't comprehend it. He can't accept it. Why would Jooheon, out of all people, would do this? He promised, for God's sake, he promised to always stay by Changkyun's side
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Jooheon
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	jookyun- YOU WERE GOOD TO ME

**Author's Note:**

> hello again! this work does contain mentions of suicide so if you are uncomfortable and/or are triggered by it, I recommend you to not read this. if you want something more lighthearted, there’s other works I’ve done so you can check them out. you have been warned.

The once shared apartment that was filled with life and love, is now filled with grieve and sadness. Unwashed dishes pilled up on the sink, plants neglected since who knows when, and sobs could be heard from Changkyun and Jooheon's shared room. On the bed lies Changkyun, crying his heart out as he hold onto one of Joheoon's hoodies. His smell still lingers on the piece of clothing, which is why the younger has buried his face into it. 

For a few moment he stops crying, just sniffles escaping his lips. He lifts him face from the hoodie and glances at the framed photo that's sitting on the nightstand beside the bed. The photo is of him and Jooheon hugging each other, both boys looking so happy, especially the older. The photo was taken a few months ago when they had celebrated their 3rd anniversary at the restaurant where their first date took place.

At remembering that day, the younger whines and starts to cry again. Oh, how he wished he had the ability to just turn back time, where Jooheon was still here with him. He wished that he was more aware of the other’s thoughts, he wished Jooheon had much more trust in him and told him what he was going through. "I failed," Changkyun says onto the hoodie, "I'm so sorry Hyung, I failed." 

"I failed at being a good boyfriend. I failed at being a good friend. But most importantly, I failed at protecting and loving you. I'm sorry!", Changkyun screams into the hoodie, his whole body shaking from how intense he's crying. Memories of their shared past come flooding like a river, the younger trying his best to grasp onto them. 

Jooheon, the happy virus that is able to light up anyone's day with a simple smile. Jooheon, the one who was able to help the younger earn a place as one of the best underground rappers. Jooheon, Changkyun's best friend and soulmate. Jooheon, the love of his life, and the reason he's able to do what he's doing. Jooheon, who thought he wasn’t good enough for Changkyun. On the note he left behind, he had written that he really didn’t deserve to be beside Changkyun. He thought the younger was too good for him, even though he's _just enough_ for him.

Changkyun wished Jooheon knew how much he meant for him. He wished he had always reminded him of how much his existence meant to him. Was it Changkyun's fault? I mean, they started as "enemies" but that was back when they were kids. They _love_ each other, right? Damn, he really is the worst.

God, all he wants is for Jooheon to come back to him. He wants him by his side, he needs it. He needs to hear his contagious laughter once again. He wants to see his smile, his cute dimples showing up. But, he can’t, Changkyun knows that. It’s impossible. It's way too late. 

He’s dead. Gone. Erased from existence. He's never going to come back

Changkyun cries harder as the realization hits him much harder. He feels like he can’t breathe, his whole world is crumbling down by the second. Blood-curling screams filled the bedroom and apartment. The older's hoodie must be soaked with Changkyun's tears but he doesn't care. His lover is gone forever, and he can't do anything about it. His throat is burning from all the screaming and his eyes are getting tired but he still doesn't care.

_Ring Ring Ring_

The younger hears his phone ringing from the nightstand beside the bed. He really doesn’t want to answer but he knows he has to, it could be from work or about bills. With the little energy he has, he over from where he's lying down with his arm and grabs his phone. He doesn’t bother checking who it is, he just answers.

“Hello?”, he mumbles, putting the phone on his ear. He goes back to burying his face on the hoodie, fearing that it'll disappear from his grasp.

“Hey Chang. It’s me, Kihyun. I just wanted to call to check how you where holding up. Huh, what a stupid answer, of course you’re not," he hears the older boy laugh dryly. The line stays silent, both boys not knowing what to say. Finally, Kihyun speaks up, “In all honestly, all of us are really worried about you, especially me. You haven’t answered any of our messages and I doubt you've checked them. Hell, this is the first time you've actually answered your phone," Changkyun stays quiet, knowing full well what his brother is saying is true. His phone is on low percent, him not bothering to charge it. "Have you eaten yet? I know you probably don’t wanna see anyone, but we need to see you. I need to see you. You can’t live like this forever, it's bad for you and your health-”

“Don’t you think I fucking know that? I failed Kihyun, I failed. I’m such a horrible person, a piece of shit if you will. I should’ve been there for him. I didn't even bother to do shit. Do you fucking understand how much of a bad person i am? I fucking hate myself”, Changkyun snaps but immediately feeling bad because all Kihyun wants is to comfort him. He's his brother, he cares for the younger.

Kihyun sighs, not caring that Changkyun had snapped at him. He understands him. “Look, whether you like it or not, we’re going to see you. Me and Shownu will bring some food cause I really doubt you've eaten, and Minhyuk and Hyungwon will bring some games so that we can all play together. We’re all in this together, you’re not alone. And don't you blame yourself, it's not your fault. I know for a fact Jooheon wouldn't want you to be sad because of him," Changkyun is filled with so much emotions at his brother's actions. God, he really doesn't deserve him.

“Really, thank you”, Changkyun sniffles before hanging up. He lays in bed for a while, hugging tightly the hoodie, before finally deciding that he needs to take a shower. Knowing Kihyun, he knows he'll want him all cleaned and freshen up. Honestly, he hasn’t had one in three weeks. He hesitantly gets off the bed and heads towards the bathroom. He tries not to look at his reflection, knowing he looks like shit. He strips off his clothes and gets into the shower, his body relaxing as the water hits him. When he's done, he turns off the faucet and gets out. He takes a towel from the cabinet and dries himself. He turns around and looks himself in the mirror, seeing how skinny he looks which is not a good sign. He has huge dark circles around his eyes, his lips looking really pale, and his eyes are all puffy from the constant crying.

The younger sighs and gets out of the bathroom to get some clothes. When he's rumbling through the closet, he glances at his wrist and sees the bracelet that Jooheon had made him for their 2nd anniversary. The pendant has Jooheon's name engraved on it.

Changkyun feels himself tear up, sobs building up on his throat. He can’t believe that he’s really gone, even though that's the reality. Jooheon's gone forever. Changkyun wishes it was all a nightmare that when he wakes up, there’s Jooheon hugging him and soothing him back to sleep, telling him that he's never going to leave him.

He has to stay strong, he has to. Kihyun’s right, he can’t live on like this. His mental and physical health are not in such a good stage, and he's making matters worse. He picks out some clothes and changes into them. He grabs his phone from the bed and looks up a therapist. He finds one that's pretty close to his apartment, only 10 minutes away. He looks for the number and calls.

_I know for a fact Jooheon wouldn't want you to be sad because of him_

"Hello, this is Dr. Choi speaking. How can I help you?", a woman's voice says. Changkyun takes a few deep breaths to calm himself down. _You can do this, I believe in you, Jooheon's words echoes inside the younger's head._ "Um, I'm calling to make an appointment. I really need to talk to someone." There's shuffling heard before the woman speaks up, "Sure! What's your name?"

"Name's Im Changkyun"

fin.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry this is much heavier than my other works:(( just an FYI, this doesn't romanticize mental issues. feel free to leave any suggestions and you can request anything!
> 
> twt: l0vleyoung


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